I am, I am not

I've noticed that most of the time we, we as in human beings, try to put our best

face forward. Hide our weaknesses and cover our flaws for fear of fill in the blank.

We post the best pictures of ourselves, brag about our children's best qualities,

and talk about only the "good" things in life. That isn't a bad thing but it really isn't

real. Right?

So I am going to be real in this public blog-0-sphere so that not only my children

will benefit from knowing my struggles someday, and

hopefully learn from them, but also so that you might know that it is in mine and your

weaknesses that He makes us strong. {If we had no weakness {sin} would we

really need a Savior?}

I have times when I'm living life on the mountain top and then I have times, like

now, when it feels like I am in the pit of a valley sitting in the middle of the trees

with my head hanging between my knees. Discouraged by life, overwhelmed with

to-do's, and fretting over my failures, whether real or imagined. Honestly, my

husband and children are usually the ones to suffer because

if mama ain't happy than ain't nobody gonna be happy.

I sulk and throw my tantrums and play the blame game

but it never helps. I try with all my might to control my flesh.

I don't want to be rude or snappy but my oh my the harder I try the harder I fall!

Then everything just intensifies and duplicates and turns into

a tornado of emotions within! More discouragement, more failure, more lashing out.

Alackaday!!!

A*lack*a-day: 1. An exclamation expressive of regret or sorrow. :)

I've been waiting for just the right

time to use this word.

Anyway, I had a lightbulb moment in my quiet time yesterday

that I thought I would share. I started reading what Paul wrote about struggling

with sin because, yeah, I can totally relate to his words.

Romans 7:14-16

"We know that the law is spiritual {the purpose of law was to let us know what sin was};

but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin {we were all born into sin/sinners}.

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."

Stop and let your brain digest that for a second. Sometimes I feel like mine {brain}

hops on a merry-go-round when I am reading scripture.

My interpretation of this first part.

I am a sinner.

I am going to fail.

A lot.

And that is why I desperately need a savior.

Here comes the lightbulb part for me. In the next few verses Paul writes about the war

between our natural, sinful nature {which still exists even after we accept Christ} and

our inner being which delights in God's law and truly wants to do his will. I guess in

my mind I hadn't reconciled that both will always exist and both will always be

at war within me. My spirit and my flesh. I mean I know I am never going

to be perfect but every time I fail I get so discouraged and frustrated its almost like

I am expecting myself to be able to be perfect. But it should be in these moments

that I am most grateful for and humbled by a God who has made a way for me to

be forgiven and redeemed.

I will be sinful until the day I die and am ushered to the throne of God.

You know how you know that but you don't know it. When we are

weak in our own natural flesh {Lord help me I can't do this life alone}

He is my strength because he has secured my future and already

paid for all of my mistakes now and forever!

**My husband would act like he was wavin' a white

hankie right now.

SO.....NOW Romans 8:1-4 take on a whole new meaning.

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in

Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life

set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law

{what I can do on my own} was powerless to do in that it was weakened

by the sinful nature {because we could never do enough on our own

to please a Holy God}, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness

of sinful man to be a sin offering."

I will stop there even though I want to sit here and type out the whole

chapter 8 of the letter to the Roman church.

If you have accepted that Christ was the sacrifice for your sins then guess what?

You are NOT condemned any longer. If the Holy, Almighty, God of this universe

has forgiven me and made a way for me to be free of guilt and shame and really

being way to worried about ME than what am I doing?

I love God and therefore I do want to please him because he deserves the very best

that I have to offer, but Isaiah 64:6 says that even what we call our righteous acts

are like filthy rags before God. So this realization frees me from thinking that I am

a horrible human being every time I feel like I have failed! Get over it. Repent. And

then walk on knowing that you are a child of the Living God and an heir to his

kingdom!

I feel much better now and hope this helps someone else. :)

Tanda